ASK The Man - Anonymously
Empty Nester and Alone
Dear The Man,
I am an over After Forty woman who lives alone and is a single mother. My only child has just started his second year in college and I find myself with a desire for companionship. I have not dated seriously in years and am unsure where to start and what to do. In short, how do I find a boyfriend?
Sincerely, Empty Nester
Dear Empty Nester,
I did a quick Google search on the question and discovered that the oracle of the Internet hive mind thinks middle aged women should feel they are competing with their daughters or in your case, competing with your son's girlfriends. The way I could tell that's what Google thinks, is in the way it said that it didn't. The advice that scrolled down my screen was full of "don't worry that you may not be physically perfect" and "remember, you're not competing with all the younger, more attractive women..." The authors of most of what I read were undoubtedly either A: a man obsessed with the media driven idealized fantasy of young women or B: a middle aged women who is threatened by the same.
My answer to those youth obsessed cyber hunt and peck artists is, that there is no competition because younger women simply can't compete with you, not the other way around. We are all works in progress and you have had a lot more time to progress. Period. I risk sounding exactly like the aforementioned obsessives, because confidence is a key element in your search for a companion and you need to internalize just how sexy, complex and interesting a woman your age is. Believe The Man, you are.
Now, how to find a boyfriend. It's really very simple and completely terrifying. You need to approach the man your attracted to. You should walk up to the guy in the grocery store or the Starbucks or the Tractor Supply Store and say, "Hi, my name is Empty Nester and this may seem strange, but would you like to have coffee or something sometime?" At work is a tempting possibility, but fraught with downsides...the same goes for bars, but be prepared to follow your gut. Have your number already written down and hand it to him. If he says no, don't be mad, just tell him you get a good vibe from him and that you think it would be fun.
Believe The Man, most men would love to be approached this way. And even if the shock of the approach causes them to seem unsure, you will have burrowed deep into the favorable part of his psyche. You will be on his mind and he will have your number.
Good luck.
Sincerely,
The Man
